My future painted on His canvas

The starry night, I hate naught.

2007-12-30T08:05:00.000-08:00

Today, this week has been really tiring. I am utterly drained every night, sleeping becomes such a blissful rather than tormenting experience like it always had been.
I actually saw 11 stars today whilst walking home. ( I jerked my head up through the whole way yes)

Monday, I went to Aunt Veronica's house. For a barbecue. With my family.
*enough with these stuttering.
And anyway, my niece probably hates me for ruffling her hair and my nephew loves me for spinning him in circles and tossing him across this horizontal pole.
Tue: Christmas.
Wed: Went to Kembagan to play soccer, then swam at Darryl's abode. THEN, I went to Minds Cafe for $1.31 worth of games.
Thursday: Hockey training from 8 to 10 in the morn, 10 to 1130 swimming at Delta, 1130 to 1245 lunch with Mollie at Ikea, 1245 to 1300 went to school to drop booklist 1300 to 1430 went to cage 1430 to 1600 soccer. 1600 to 1900 went home. 1900 to 2100 bought uniform. (Gosh I'm actually going to be wearing long pants. The agony!)
Friday: Movie

As you can see, it was hectic. And now. It comes to 30th December with me in my Juventus jersey, tapping keys on my bed, listening to casting crowns. Schools starting and my feelings are in a whir. Dread.

Some of you possibly know, I'm planned to go study in Amerigo! Yeah America.
My mother's probably found a school already.
I really want to go. I really love my mother and to tarry would shatter her.
Then there is a whole new lifestyle. then there is a new system, a way of life to which I'm not accustomed.

Gah. God help me.

I'm real mellow so if my words are...you know. Don't blame me. I'm probably at the point where emotions fluctuate the most.

Saturday and saturday what a wonderful day.

2007-09-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

I woke up today at 11.45am and received a message from Cheryl to come for a "discussion group" or "accountability group" meeting. Well it clashed with my bulletin duty and I decided or at least Cheryl suggested I go early to finish early so...you get the point. Lunch wasn't ready and when it was I didn't get enough.

Oh well. Service was great. Just that I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I MAKE SO MANY MISTAKES IN BULLETIN! Well sorry for that... Let me rephrase ah what's the point.
I'll try harder next time.

Yeah God told me during life group that really...
You just have to take that one step towards Him and he will take the 99 steps to you.
(I was telling him how hard I found it to love him sometimes) :)

Yeah and He doesn't care whether the throne I lay for him in my heart is some dingy old rubber tire or a majestic diamond crusted seat of gold. All he wants is my best.
Yeah so I'll give my 5 loaves and fishes. Whether it's rotten or not, its all I have and he will make it wondrous! Yay.

Imagine a "Don Jesus" yeah he would be the "God-Father" yeah... literally.
Reading German history I find Martin Luther so amazing. Haha. Well. Goodbye.
Now hockey's gone a part of me feels missing. Haha again.
Sorry!

God...I love God.

If you look below you, there's another post. Forget that.

Dead.

2007-09-06T19:18:00.000-07:00

A hangover (veisalgia) describes the sum of unpleasant physiological effects following heavy consumption of drugs and liquor, particularly alcoholic beverages. The most commonly reported characteristics of a hangover include headache, nausea, sensitivity to light and noise, lethargy, and thirst.

That would probably best describe what happened when I woke up today, technically speaking got out of bed. I had only 2 hours of sleep out of the possible 9 I spent in bed. I went to bed at 12. Well, I couldn't really sleep and took out a book to read.
Lights went off at 12.30

I still couldn't sleep.

Finally when I dozed into oblivion at 2, I woke up with a splitting headache at 3. My mind was clustered with so many things.Attempts to clear my mind were futile. I was extremely thirsty.

Basically I couldn't sleep unless you redefined sleep as mere "closing your eyes" until 8. And here I am tapping the keyboard.

I'm sorry everything sounds so melancholic. I'll rewrite this once I freshen up.

Our journey thus far.

2007-08-14T02:54:00.000-07:00

Go on!

Ok, to tell you all the truth, I've been wanting to post this since 25th July when the Sji hockey team beat Saint Andrews 1-0. Truth is, I wanted to see the hand of God moving mightily amongst us.

1st Match, Evergreen-Saint Joseph's
4-0
This result was more or less expected but non the less we were glad.

A hard earned victory
2nd Match Orchid Park - Saint Joseph's
0-0
This result was disappointing and our hopes of even qualifying to the second round were dashed as we would be meeting out nemesis Sengkang next.

Ok, I'll have to talk about the time between our match and Sengkang. To get through to the second round, we had to base the score on goal difference because we were tied on points with Orchid Park. and...we expected to get trashed by Sengkang. We were playing before orchid park so naturally, tides were against us.

On the day of the match, it was raining and there was a thunderstorm.
Our match was postponed to next morning. When Orchid Park was supposed to play 1 and a half hours later, the rain ceased. We went mad.

The next day, we played Sengkang and lost
Sji 1- 2 Sengkang
Again, we were mad with joy.

Into the second round.

Our group:
SA-Saint Andrews
JWS-Jurong West
SJI-Duh
TWS-Teck Whye

1st Match JWS-SJI (6-0, JWS victory)
Ok we were utterly demoralised.

2nd Match SJI-SAS (1-0)
Yay! That's what I would say. It was like the best feeling in my *hockey* life(ahem)

3rd Match TWS-SJI (0-0)
Okay, now all hopes were pinned on God. If SAS drew or won, we were dead meat.

Ok so you see, it was a "true underdog" story and really, we are the lousiest batch of players since 3 years. So many didn't even expect us to qualify for the second round. Yeah, so amazing. I guess its hard to understand if you weren't in my shoes. Haha. God of the impossible. God of SJI.

Dissapointment and...

2007-07-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

Today we drew with Orchid Park 0-0. That leaves us praying that they will not win Evergreen by more than 4 goal and we not lose to Sengkang by more than 5 goals. Basically a 5 goal difference.

I really for the 1st time played my heart out. I was so desperate for a win and literally praying throughout the match. Well, I did my best and God used me to show how He can do so much in me. Coach was mad today,not at me but at the team on a whole. Throwing stuff all around and... close to tears. I was tearing a little...
Oh well, I'll leave it in God's hands. I believe He can do the very impossible.

Yay!.

God is so great and mighty.

Some pictures from our match against Evergreen

Nike commercial...lol

Me in action!

School....

2007-07-08T04:50:00.002-07:00

The weekends go by like nothing...
and now I'm stuck with the "melancholy-ish" feeling.

School...I do look forward to see Jesus's mighty hand in my school but then there's the drudge of seeing my teachers, teaching and I am forced to absorb or do badly.

Fridays' dusk after training are the best. I look up at the sky; see the clouds painted blue by God's hand and just be so amazed. There is no worries of going home to finish up homework, no worries to have to wake up early...

And I cry and am so touched by God's love where one day all the tiredness will be gone in heaven when I see Him.

What will it be like?

And then I wonder, will I be able to still enjoy this still not saved?
I just thank Him so much for my salvation, and His love.

But what about others? The lost?
God impressed upon my heart.

Now, what I want...to have the same heart for the lost as Him, to love the lost like he does.

Friday...!

2007-07-06T06:04:00.000-07:00

Finally, the week is over.

This week has been great. Totally.

Well, to cap it off today, I went to Borders with Abrar and Faras.(2 good friends)
(training was from 6pm to 8.30pm.) Then, Mr K.Arul called. Training changed to 3.30.

Ahh!

We wanted to skip training but then there would be a penalty. A heavy penalty.

We went and ran 6.4km again...well at least we were supposed to. We took the shortcut *wink. We= Me and Abrar. The whole team probably did the same cos' they fininshed in record time by walking!

Come on. It's so outrageous. 6.4km= 16 laps.

EEE!!!!

Anyway, we met with a boy, an interesting boy.
While taking the underpass, we saw 2 guitar buskers and they started to greet us and shake our hands. Old Josephians. They started to play the school rally and we began to chat.

Well, it was a brief chat and taking the escalator we met, this boy, who was talking to us so excitedly...

"Do you have a handphone? Does it have games?"
Well, he didn't look local and he was the busker's brother. I lent him my phone for a while and called me an Indonesian? Do I look? Oh well...

I tried to take some photos but he was too shy. I guess. Well, today was good. Training was kind of light and we stayed back with our new "friend" Johan. Goalkeeper coach.

He keeps talking about having a hockey camp...oh well.

Running on.

2007-07-04T04:50:00.000-07:00

Today.......was tiring. It seems everyday gets so tiring eh...

Did so badly during short corner training and now I feel like I've let down everyone,
my whole team, the coach and all...

I always feel so bad, letting everyone down...just feel like giving it all up.
Times I ask, Lord where are You.

and...

He was always there, my Friend.Lord.Saviour.

Ah...well.
Thank Him so much being there every single day.

(smile)

Praise let it be.

2007-07-03T05:28:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Oh my GOODNESS.
Someone just returned my phone at a hotel near my school! Hallelujah. Praise God.
I'm so overwhelmed.....seriously. God thank you. Just 1hr after I reached home my phone was found. God. God. God. God's just so amazing...

I'm really so overwhelmed....goodness...

God is so good.

Praise or just let it be.

2007-07-03T04:57:00.000-07:00

Today. Tuesday. Our 1st match in the nationals and we won Evergreen 4-0!!! Hurray.
"Facing the Giants" really taught me to play for His honor and doing my best. So...I am a "promising sweeper"? I'm getting really so flustered... From right wing to right half to left back to sweeper. Just so happy we won. Yippee.

So...can I still praise Him when I lose? I did lose on the same day. My hand phone...
Yes, just 2 hours ago I lost it. ...well it could've dropped somewhere I don't know. Really.
Just hope my father doesn't kill me. Never mind about that. I'm going to praise Him win or lose and leave it to Him.

Shall wait for His directions on what to do. :)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

I will sing forever, Jesus I love You, Jesus I love you....

Comfort me Lord.

So struggling to still praise Him.

Cycle? Are You greater than it Lord.

2007-07-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

Saturday: Watched "Facing the Giants" again. God really spoke to me during the altar call. When Pastor Ben prayed for me, he said something about starting off well and where am I now. Then I began to remember some stuff my life. Basketball.
I was doing so well, playing in the primary 5 squad in primary 4 and eventually grew worse and worse until I was off the team in primary 6.

Why? Why?
Now I feel as though my life revolves around this cycle everything I do. It was like just something that was me I couldn't change. I began to cry out and weep before God. Why Lord? Why...

Then God began to challenge me to believe that he was BIGGER than me. Bigger than my life. He was in control. To put my trust in Him. So I am trusting God now.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

My troubles to God.

First 4 days of school term,3

2007-06-28T04:03:00.001-07:00

Well, here I am to update on what has happened over the past 4 days.

Monday: 1st day of school was. Fun...I guess.
We had our fun and our 1st experience with our new Chinese Teacher was, to me, dreadful. It would mean and end to the craziness and rowdiness in class when Ms Wang was around. I miss those days where we played soccer in class and she didn't care. Haha... Hockey training that day, was stupid. We ran 6.4km (2x Mt. Rosy) and we
couldn't take the shortcut. *wink*. Hey but we still made it in 37 minutes which was good given that we were slacking. :) Went home and did my Chinese homework till 10, and went to do quiet time. Ah. Rest at last where I found my rest in God's tender loving arms.

Tuesday: Hockey training was dreadful. I went home my whole body sore.

Wednesday:... This must have been the worse day of the week. Training from 2.30 to 4. and then training from 6 to 830. Sheesh. My back's aching now. I cant even bend my back or there's that stinging pain. There was one very memorable incident. Viren's shoes got lost and Dao Han and he broke into a fight. That point a ball came rolling to me and to pass it back to me, I passsed it back to my friend, chipping the ball which hit the fan...ouch. It rebounded and hit the window and that broke up the fight. lol. And now, I think I'm in for some scolding. Well, maybe. At least it broke up the fight. I got 80% for animal rights speech! Yay.

Thursday!!!: Today.Nothing much except I'm beginning to like this new chinese teacher.

That's all I've been seeing for the past 4 days.

Ok. We'll see about tomorrow.

One thing I've learned this week, well maybe for the past 4 days. Since there was so much training and I was so beat, I found my rest in Jesus. Always He's never too tired for me and restores me with strength to face each day and every night he holds me in his hug, puts such a deep peace in me... God, I love God.

School begins. Am I ready. I know not.

2007-06-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

School's starting and here I am it's 10.15 as I type...tap. tap. tap.
School's starting tomorrow. Argh. My Math teacher scares me. Well, what could be bad? I just finished all my maths work. Be ready to read the next post tomorrow XD.

On to my walk with Jesus. Getting exciting...
My walk with God has been so good recently and God's been dealing a lot with me and my struggles and along this path, which may sometimes be dark and discouraging. He holds my hand all the tighter as I loosen my grip occasionally. I wonder sometimes why He loves me so much. I feel like filth and I know I am filth so wretched but still he loves me. So incomprehensible by man. He picked me up from the miry clay and shaped me, getting his hands dirty as he does this but still he shapes every detail so cautiously with so much love.

And yes God has been challenging me to surrender my all to Him, my life in school at home everywhere. Surrendering every color of my heart to His palette to paint my destiny on His wonderful canvas; to erase the circle around me, to step out and take His hand to walk on water.

Every color to paint a beautiful picture.

He's so amazing. So great, how can I not?